There's no do-over

Those supposedly in the know claim that it gets easier to deal with losing a loved one as time moves forward; from my present and limited experience in this matter, I can safely say that they don't know shit! There's nothing easy about losing some one you love. Who said it has to be easy? Each passing day is further proof that those who die are gone for good, and there isn't a single thing you can do or say to make them come back. It's a permanent end without the possibility for a sequel.

I try to appease myself through this mess by mildly convincing myself that my dad's time was up-but I know that it didn't have to be up! If he'd just listened to his friend (a doctor) and stayed overnight in the hospital to definitively pinpoint his ailment, I wouldn't be here sharing my misery with you now. And if the medical staff at the hospital were bright enough to figure out, well, if it isn't his heart (supposedly he had the heart of a 20 year-old) then it must be something else... duh... his lungs, perhaps?! All it took was a blood test to solve Baba's riddle. But the medical staff didn't even think to perform it. I wish I could beat up every single person at that hospital for not being vigilant about saving my dad's life. This person meant something to a whole lot of people. He wasn't just any old man. He was my father, a grandfather, an uncle, a brother, and a loyal trusted, friend. Everyday I am more certain that he died in vain-he could have been saved. There is no consolation here. None whatsoever.

It was a blood clot that took his life. It started out something minuscule, and managed to knock this tower of strength to his knees right into his grave. In just 4 short days it was all over for him. That which gives life, also takes it away.

Bottom line is that I miss him more now than I ever thought possible, and I know it's not going to get any better...